Why do I care what people think? Why do I care what people say? Why do I care if people are upset with me? Why?
I wish I had the answer to this question. Is it in my DNA? Is it down to how I was bought up? Or is it just plain and simply, ME?
I wish I didn’t care. Well maybe not care, because that would be cruel but maybe not care so much. So much so, that the moment I wake up I feel the pain inside that consumes my thoughts.
I feel things, even if they are not said, I walk into a room and can read it, I feel the vibes. I really wish I didn’t, it is horrible.
I don’t think I’m a bad person and I don’t hurt people intentionally but somehow my actions seem to warrant people to react. I always feel that I am not allowed to have feelings and certainly not to air them. I have to go with the flow and accept whatever. Is that how it should be? Other people can do the same as me and people accept it, but the moment I say ‘no’ then that’s not acceptable. My husband always says you’re only remembered for your last ‘no’ and I think he’s right.
I rarely say no, I will go with the flow for anything, sometimes it has caused me considerable emotional pain and cost but I still say yes. I find it hard to say no to people, but as I’m getting older I’m finding the only person it hurts to saying ‘yes’ is me. Do I need to change? Or do I need to do what makes me happy? But does saying no make me unhappy as it upsets others?
Seems like a no win situation.