Dodging a bullet?

Like so many things that creep up on you unawares, I never saw this one coming. It was a bit like walking in front of a bus and thinking, ‘well it didn’t drive off and run me over’, only for a car to come up from behind and do exactly that. I thought I was one of the lucky ones, I thought I had dodged a bullet, but boy was I wrong. For two years I had been so careful, some people may even say fanatical, about keeping out of harm’s way. But you can’t be too careful, can you?

I stayed in, I learned to speak Spanish, although some may say ‘what for’ as I had no intention of visiting Spain, definitely not in the current climate. I even learned to knit, well I just about managed a scarf, but I was pleased with my endeavors. I had learned to enjoy my own company, the radio being my best friend and I would happily spend days arguing with some presenter or another over what they were reporting on. Finally, the time came when I had to venture further. The announcement came on the TV that all restrictions were being lifted to some it would be music to their ears but to me it filled me with dread. To venture out the front door was going to be a mammoth task, but I had to do it.

The first time it felt like a magnetic force was repelling me back into the house but over time it got easier. It was baby steps for me, I was leaving the womb of my home and all the comfort and stability it afforded me to take those tensive steps into civilisation. I was surprised how quickly I became accustomed to life outside again and before I knew it I was coffeeing with friends and back in pre-lockdown routines. On the odd occasion, doubt would creep in but it was pretty much business as usual.

You know what they say about the lull before the storm though. Well, I’ve just found that out, big time. Seven days ago I started with a headache, then I had a sore mouth, I went to the doctor to see if there was anything I could take as my head was banging. That was the last time I saw the outside world. I have been in an isolation unit ever since. Apparently, because I never contracted COVID I have not built up an immune system to combat other infections. This one is worse, so much worse. I have blood seeping from every orifice and my life is hanging in the balance. I have lost the ability to communicate and am relying on this machine that’s beeping beside me to keep me alive, although I wouldn’t call this living. I am now in a smaller cocoon than I could have imagined but from this womb will be no rebirth.


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